dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
