I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
