so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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