My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
