The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
