Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
