He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
