she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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