4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
