just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
