And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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