I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
