singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
