the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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