so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
