Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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