my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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