Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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