My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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