i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
