Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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