If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think my moral compass just broke
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
