i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
