hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
