I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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