I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
