Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
