Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
