I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
