Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
