I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
