If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
