You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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