shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
