I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
