i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
