Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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