thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
