oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
