It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
