Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
