K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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