Where is the hickey?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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