I think I won the penis lottery.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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