eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
