phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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