never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
