I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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