If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
