We need to rekindle our bromance
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
