Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
