Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
