Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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