the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
