Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
