I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize