i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this boner is exhausting
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
