Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
