I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
bring money and cleavage
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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