It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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