Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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