I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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