my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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