Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have feelings that need drinking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
