Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
